The other Mr Wayne
by anakinlove
Summary: When Tim Drake gets in trouble at school, he begs Dick to help him. There's no possible way this can go wrong.


"Timothy Drake this is the last straw. You have been caught sleeping in class five times already and now this with your teacher." Tim just hung his head, hoping the tirade would be over soon enough. "Well Timothy", the principal said, "I have no choice but to call your parent."

"What!" Tim yelped, "No."

"I'm sorry Mr. Drake", the principal said, "but you've forced my hand."

"Great" Tim moaned softly to himself, "now I'm gona get it. He won't let me go on patrol for a week because of this. Stupid Mr. Matho." Truly, it had not really been Tim's fault, what had happened with his teacher. It had all been one big misunderstanding, but there was nothing he could do about it now. No one had listened.

Then, Tim got an idea, a desperate idea, but an idea nonetheless. "Wait", he said, just as Mr. Wiggle was moving towards his office.

"What?" Mr. Wiggle asked.

"He won't be home today", Tim said, "and I'd really hate for you to leave him a message. Let me give you a number where you can reach him."

"Alright", said Mr. Wiggle suspiciously. Tim quickly scrawled down a number and handed it to Mr. Wiggle. Then, when the man turned to walk into his office to dial the number, Tim folded his hands to pray.

0000000

Dick had his head thoroughly buried in his pillow and was sleeping so soundly, not even a brass band parading outside his door could have awoken him. However, a telephone right by his head did the job well enough.

Though it was two o'clock in the afternoon, Dick was trying to catch up on sleep he had missed from the whole week, as it was his day off. When the phone rang, it jarred him from a naughty dream he was having about a girl he knew so he was understandably cross and desperate to close his eyes again and get back to what his dream self had been doing.

He gave a loud groan and slapped his hand around on the table next to him, searching for the source of the ringing so he could shut it up. He picked up the phone and moaned a sleepy sounding, "What", into it.

"Hello", a sharp voice on the other end said, "Can I speak to Mr. Wayne please?"

Dick muttered angrily to himself and then said, "Clark, this is Dick Greyson. For the last time, when Bruce says he's giving you his number, he really is just giving you mine. Kill him for me, will ya. I'm sick of him giving out my number. It's ridiculous." The voice immediately sounded appalled.

"Why I…"

"Hold on" Dick said, his phone beeping angrily, "I have another call, can I put you on hold for a sec?" Then, without waiting for an answer, he pressed a button on his phone, pushed the jagged ends of his mullet out of his eyes and held the phone to his ear. "If this is another person calling for Bruce Wayne, you know where you can stick that phone. You can shove it right up you…"

"Dick", a frightened voice on the other end hissed.

"Tim" Dick asked, "Tim what's wrong?"

"That's my principal on the other line", Tim whispered, "Please cover for me."

"Wait", Dick said, "you're in trouble at school."

"Yes", Tim said.

"Perfect little Timmy Drake, highlight of Bruce Wayne's life is in trouble at school?"

"Yes", Tim murmured frantically "but I don't want Bruce to know. Please pretend to be him, just this once."

Dick heaved an enormous sigh and said, "You owe me big time kiddo."

"I know, I know", Tim said hastily, "I love you so much Dickie, you're the best legal big brother ever."

"Yea, yea, stop sweet-talking me before it goes to my head. I'll get back on with your principal, if he hasn't already hung up on me." Dick switched lines and said, "Sorry Sir, this is Mr. Wayne."

"Wait" Mr. Wiggle said suspiciously, "I thought you weren't Mr. Wayne."

"I am, I am", Dick said, "I just thought you were someone else was all."

"You know", Mr. Wiggle said angrily, "you sound an awful like a former student of mine. Perhaps you know him _Mr. Wayne_. He got into a great deal of trouble during his time here. His name was Richard Greyson." Dick paused for a moment.

"Hmm", he said, "nope, never heard of him. He sounds like a pretty cool guy though, the kind of guy you would want to have a party with."

"I think you are Mr. Greyson", Mr. Wiggle said, "and I demand an explanation for all this right now." Dick could see that things were going down hill swiftly so on the spur of the moment, rather then surrendering, he decided to try something crazy.

"Ohh", he said, "you meant Bruce Wayne. I'm Richard Wayne. Wrong Mr. Wayne you see."

"I see", Mr. Wiggle said, sounding perplexed, "well then perhaps I dialed the wrong number."

"Were you calling about Timothy?" Dick asked.

"Yes", said Mr. Wiggle, "you know Timothy Drake?"

"Yes", said Dick, "he's my son."

"He's your son?" Mr. Wiggle said slowly, "I thought he was Bruce Wayne's son."

"We got married last spring", Dick said quickly, "Bruce and I, you know, beautiful wedding, flowers, cake, my tux was absolutely divine. I guess your invite got lost in the mail or something because we really wanted you there. You were gona be my best man and then you didn't show and I had to use that druggie Roy Harper instead. Total fiasco, dope in the cake, ohh it was terrible."

"Uh huh", Mr. Wiggle said, "so does that mean you have joint custody over Mr. Drake."

"Yes", said Dick, "we uh, we do. So anything you have to say about Timmy, you can say to me."

"Alright", Mr. Wiggle said, almost wishing he hadn't gotten out of bed that morning, "Mr. Drake has fallen asleep in class for the fifth time this month."

"Ooo", said Dick, "naughty Timmy, well, rest assured I'll spank him when he gets home. Gotta go now, bye."

"Wait a moment" Mr. Wiggle said, "I'm not done. He also called his teacher a dick head."

"What", Dick yelped, surprised, "that's not like Timmy."

"Yes, well, he's being sent home for the rest of the day as punishment so you or Bruce will have to come and get him."

"That's punishment?" Dick said perplexed, "Wow, if that had been punishment back in my day, I would have called my teacher a dick head at least once a week. But, anyway I'm not sure I can pick him up. You see, Brucie's at work and I have to go buy groceries today. Bruce, well he can get pretty angry when he doesn't have his whipped cream at night. Likes to cover me with it and lick it off you know. And sometimes…"

"Ok, ok", Mr. Wiggle said, "your personal life is none of my concern so I don't need to know any more about it. Someone has to pick up Mr. Drake now though, or I will be forced to take more disciplinary action against him."

"Alright, alright" Dick said, "keep your pants on, I'll come and get him just as soon as I get my pants on."

"Again", Mr. Wiggle said, "your personal life, your concern. Just come and get him."

000000

Dick drove up with a scowl on his face as Tim got into the car, doing his best to look repentant. "See that it doesn't happen again Mr. Wayne", Mr. Wiggle said, coming up to the side of the car.

"Ohh no", Dick said, "it won't ever happen again, I promise." The man nodded and walked away. "I'm gona kill you, you little rat", Dick hissed as he pulled his car out.

"What did I do?" Tim asked.

"Nothing", Dick said angrily, "Just make that man thinks Bruce and I are married and that he licks whipped cream off me at night!"

"What", Tim yelped.

"Don't ask", Dick said, "don't even ask, because I don't wanna talk about it. I called Bruce and told him I was picking you up today so we're good for a while. And now young man, you're going to tell me what happened with all this." Dick did his best "angry Bruce" impression and it seemed to inspire some kind of fear in Tim because he wailed,

"It wasn't my fault, really. I fell asleep in class because we were out of patrol late last night and when Mr. Matho rapped on my desk, somewhere in my sleeping brain I thought it was you so I yelled out 'leave me alone Dick head' really loud." Dick started laughing so hard, he swerved into another lane.

A man in a black hummer flipped him off, but Dick yelled some rather nasty things back before turning to Tim. "Ohh boy", he said, "Mr. M must have been pissed. I had him too when I went to that lame ass private school. He was like the worst teacher ever."

"So you see why I had to call you", Tim said, "the principal was going to blow this whole thing way out proportion and Bruce would have killed me."

Dick parked at Sonic and said, "I'm getting cherry, what do you want?"

"Strawberry", Tim said. Dick nodded.

"Yea", he said, "Bruce would have freaked out. It would have been hilarious."

"Not for me", Tim muttered darkly.

"Well", said Dick, "I promised Mr. Wiggle I'd spank you and I can't break a promise." He grabbed Tim and hauled him over his lap.

"No", Tim yelped, squirming out his reach. He wrestled his way away from Dick and sat panting on his seat. Dick grinned at him. Then, Tim threw his arms around Dick's neck, hugging him.

"Thanks for bailing me out", he said.

"No prob", Dick replied, hugging him back,  
>"What are big brother's for anyway. I hope Mr. Wiggle doesn't say anything about Bruce and I's marriage to anyone. I kind of don't want that to get out."<p>

"Yea", said Tim, "my life would be over."

"So would mine", Dick agreed.

"You won't tell Bruce about all this," Tim asked, "Will you?"

"Naw", Dick replied, "it'll be our little secret." He kissed Tim's head gave him a squeeze.

Epilogue

Tim pulled annoyedly at his tie. He hated wearing these things. But, Bruce had made him wear it as it was the parent teacher dinner night. He stood next to Bruce, trying not to fall asleep from boredom. "Mr. Wayne", he heard someone say. Tim looked up and saw Mr. Wiggle coming towards them. 'Ohh shit', he thought to himself. "Hello Mr. Wayne", Mr. Wiggle said, coming up to shake Bruce's hand, "how are you this evening?"

"Just fine Mr. Wiggle" Bruce said "just fine."

'Is Richard not here tonight?" Mr. Wiggle asked.

"No", said Bruce, "Why would Dick be here. He graduated years ago.'

"But I thought…" Mr. Wiggle started, but Tim took over right then.

"Bruce", he said, "I want some punch, come on, lets go and get some." He shoved Bruce towards the punch and whispered hastily, "They got a divorce. He doesn't like to talk about it."

"Ohh" Mr. Wiggle said, "well, I won't mention it anymore."

"Good", said Tim, hurrying after Bruce.

"What was that all about?" Bruce asked.

"Nothing", said Tim, "nothing at all."


End file.
